R Touitou - Les Faux Gentils Face à la Naïveté des Autres

אִם יִרְצֶה הַשֵּׁם

chiour YouTube: Les faux gentils face à la naïveté des autres (False Kindness vs Naivety)

Neither post nor transcript have been reviewed by R. David Touitou chlita

Summary

Rav David Touitou chlita opens with a dedication: the shiur was offered through Claude Joya for the elevation of Vanessa Dolphie a”h, a Corsican woman who, after a cancer diagnosis, became a sincere bat Noach, kept the seven Noahide laws, and departed without suffering: b’neshikat haShechinah, Tehillim at her bedside. Her mother, witnessing miracles, also chose the Noahide path. The Rav stresses that non-Jews need not convert: the seven laws are just social foundations, and the Gemara (Sanhedrin) and Rambam teach that the nations who keep them have a share in the World to Come.

The teaching itself cuts into family fractures and everyday manipulation. Studying Bereishit and Bamidbar, the Rav noticed that the Torah’s plain text often makes its villains look kind (Pharaoh, Avimelech, Lavan, Betuel, Bilam, Korach) while the commentators expose their fourberie. Evil prefers an angel’s face. Naivety “helps” because you suffer less day to day, but it lets others make you believe whatever they want, whenever they want. In a generation ruled by force, insult, and manipulation, kindness is taken for weakness. There are two kinds of naive people: those who truly do not see, and those who prefer not to see. The closing counsel is hard and practical: protect your heart, stop expecting to remake others, give without expecting gratitude, and when loved ones wound you, audit how you treat HKBH. That pain is often the mirror that calls you to teshuva.

Advice for Navigating These Times

• Judge deeds, not smiles: Do not confuse gentillesse with righteousness. The Torah’s smiling reshaim teach that sournoiserie is more dangerous than open hostility.
• Drop willful naivety: When red flags appear (especially around family, in-laws, money, or “humble” mediators), stop choosing blindness because it feels safer.
• Protect your heart: Stop taking every slight as destiny. The more you clutch the arrow, the deeper it goes. You will not change people who have already forgotten you.
• Give l’shem shamayim: Love and give without expecting thanks. Ingratitude is the default of this generation; your wage is from HKBH alone.
• Be honest in middot: Do not trash a spouse at home and then present them as perfect in public (or the reverse). That hypocrisy is the inheritance of Betuel, Lavan, and Korach.
• When family pain hits, audit your relationship with HKBH: How often do you come to synagogue, learn Torah, stop lashon hara, restrain anger, bless what is beautiful? The suffering we cause HKBH returns through those we love, as a call to teshuva.

Briefing

Dedication and the Noahide Awakening

The shiur is framed by Vanessa Dolphie’s aliyat neshama and by Claude Joya’s work among sincere non-Jews who remain non-Jews while teaching Torah values, especially the seven Noahide laws (not Shabbat as a Noahide obligation). Non-Jews who keep them have a share in Olam Haba.

Why Naivety Is Costly

Naivety softens daily pain, but it is how you get played. Kindness is misread as weakness under the law of the strongest, the most violent, the insult, the manipulation. Family fractures (rare united households, in-law wars, phones ringing from every country) are what pushed the Rav to prepare notes recto verso for this study.

« Être naïf, ça rend service, parce que tu ne souffres pas trop. Mais qu’est-ce que tu te fais avoir quand tu es naïf ? Tu peux lui faire croire ce que tu veux, que tu veux, quand tu veux, où tu veux. […] La gentillesse des gens est prise pour de la faiblesse. Surtout dans cette génération où c’est la loi du plus fort, […] la loi de l’insulte, […] la loi de la manipulation. »

Torah's Smiling Reshaim: Demons with an Angel's Face

Reading the plain text alone, “there isn’t a rasha in the Torah.” The commentators tell another story. The message meant to cool our daily rush: nothing is more terrible than cunning kindness, démons au visage d’ange. The serpent alone is called arum: clever, naked, with malice in the root.

« Il n’y a pas plus terrible au monde que la sournoiserie, la manipulation, le côté gentil qui cache une méchanceté. […] Des démons plutôt au visage d’ange. […] Dans les textes explicites de la Torah, combien le mal se présente toujours sous un aspect inoffensif, innocent et gentil. […] Le serpent était arum: nu, et aussi malin. »

Pharaoh: the Gentleman after the Crime

Pharaoh’s Egypt is a regime of force; Abraham’s “she is my sister” is a survival stratagem, not a free lie. After being struck again and again, Pharaoh sends Abraham and Sarah off on a red carpet (“quel bon monsieur ce Pharaon!”), even letting Abraham leave with multiplied wealth. Commentators remind us Pharaoh usually stripped entrants bare; sparing Abraham’s flocks is not virtue. The Rav’s parable: the stork that pulls a bone from the crocodile’s throat is “rewarded” with three seconds to flee before being eaten. “Quelle naïveté!” The rasha poses as a tzaddik.

« Qu’est-ce qu’il fait ? Il renvoie Abraham comme un tzaddik avec Sarah. Partez: tapis rouge. Mais quel bon monsieur ce Pharaon ! […] Normalement Pharaon avait l’habitude de priver toutes les personnes qui rentraient […] il les prenait pour lui et ressortait nu. […] Quelle naïveté ! Voilà exactement de quoi nous parle la Torah […] le rasha […] se fait passer pour un tzaddik. »

Avimelech: "I Didn't Know" / Honest until Caught

Avimelech scolds Isaac for lying; Isaac answers that he is facing a hair-trigger madman. The king then looks righteous: “take your wife, I didn’t know,” even offering territory. Commentators unpack the kavanah behind royal decrees that sound protective. The motto of this type: I am honest, as long as I have not been caught.

« Fourbe. Je suis honnête. Tant que je ne me suis pas fait attraper. »

Lot: Soft Logic, Sodom's Choice

Lot argues: HKBH gave you the land; you have no heir yet; why be weak? Eretz Yisrael is taken with a bit of gevurah. “You go right, I’ll go left.” He chooses Sodom and Gomorrah; had he aimed toward Jerusalem, his argument would look less exposed. Abraham’s patience: HKBH gave it; HKBH did not say which year. Like debtors who promise “Monday” without naming the year.

Betuel: Hospitality with Poison

Betuel welcomes Eliezer, offers straw for the camels, a meal (“gentil papa”). Rashi: poison in the soup, to kill the messenger, strip him, and block Rivka from her destiny so there would be no people of Israel. Rivka takes her fate in her hands (“I will go”). The Torah’s wink: watch everyone who seems so kind.

« Rashi : ouais mais c’est dans la soupe, qu’est-ce qu’ils ont mis: du poison. […] C’est juste pour le tuer. Comme ça, on va le dépouiller et on va empêcher Rivka de trouver son homme. Il n’y aura pas de peuple d’Israël. […] La Torah est en train de nous faire un clin d’œil. Faites attention à tous ces gens qui paraissent si gentils. »

Angel Smiles: Lavan, Betuel, Pharaoh, Avimelech

The week’s study conclusion, underlined: there is nothing worse than cunning people with an angel’s smile. They speak humbly (“I don’t want problems, I’ll arrange things”) while froissing the other side and recruiting naive allies who then say, “See, he ignores us.”

« Il n’y a pas pire que des personnes fourbes au sourire d’ange. […] Pharaon, Avimelech, Lavan, Betuel, tous sont gentils, souriants, sympathiques. […] Quelqu’un qui parle humblement et qui est fourbe […] “Moi je veux pas de problème, moi je vais arranger les choses.” »

Two Kinds of Naivety and Family Hypocrisy

1. The truly naive, who did not see the problem.
2. Those who prefer to stay naive because they know.

Classic midot failure: at home, “you’re wicked, you have no heart”; in public, when someone criticizes that same spouse, “she’s the most wonderful woman.” Going where it suits you is the inheritance of Betuel, Lavan, Korach. Honesty sounds different: “He isn’t always easy, and neither am I, but he’s a good person,” without descending into avak lashon hara.

Closing Counsel: Heart, Gratitude, and the Mirror toward HKBH

Stop taking everything to heart; protect your feelings; you will not change others. You are capable of improving; that does not mean they are. Give friendship where it is real; the mitzvah of loving the other and pursuing peace is a wage only HKBH pays. Ingratitude is everywhere, so love and give expecting nothing.

Why so much suffering in this domain? In Netanya, stopped at every step by people thanking him for the shiurim, the Rav answered a father with a white beard: we suffer in this world what we make HKBH suffer. How have you been with HKBH: synagogue, Torah, lashon hara, anger, berachot? You ignore HKBH while HKBH loves you more than anything; HKBH waits for teshuva. Family wounds hurt because we only truly suffer from those we love, and that is how HKBH finally makes us feel, in our own flesh, what we have done to HKBH. We only feel the true answers when we ourselves are concerned by the problem.

« Pour guérir, il faut cesser de prendre à cœur. Stop ! Protège tes sentiments, protège ton cœur, parce que plus tu prendras à cœur et plus la flèche pénétrera à l’intérieur. Et réaliser que tu ne changeras pas les autres. […] Aime, donne, sans jamais rien attendre de personne, parce que l’ingratitude dans cette génération est au rendez-vous. »

« On subit dans ce monde des souffrances qu’on fait subir à Dieu. […] Tu vis sans Dieu, tu l’ignores, alors que Lui t’aime plus que tout au monde. […] Quand on subit des déboires familiaux qui nous touchent à cœur […] c’est tout simplement parce qu’on a fait la même chose à Dieu et que Dieu nous le fait sentir enfin sur notre chair. »

Key Terms and Concepts

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IYH svp soutenez les institutions du Rav, ainsi que les 3 collelim et avrechim