ADVICE for navigating these times

Shiur on Flattery French audio

Analysis

1. The Core Issue: Rav Touitou's concern isn't just about flattery itself, but about the underlying spiritual decay it represents. He's pointing to a deeper issue – a decline in genuine menschlichkeit (good character) and an erosion of values like humility, gratitude, and sincerity. Flattery becomes a symptom of this larger problem.

2. The "Me" Generation: Rav Touitou's description of our times as egocentric and haughty resonates with the concept of the "Me Generation." This focus on self-gratification and external validation creates a spiritual vacuum. When our primary concern is how we are perceived by others, we become susceptible to manipulation and lose sight of what truly matters.

3. The Paradox of Sensitivity: The simultaneous lack of gratitude and heightened sensitivity to criticism reveals a deep insecurity. People crave validation but are unable to receive it gracefully, often interpreting even constructive feedback as a personal attack. This fragility stems from a lack of inner strength and a dependence on external approval.

4. The Antidote: L'Shem Shamayim: Rav Touitou's emphasis on l'shem shamayim is not just a pious platitude, but a powerful antidote to the spiritual malaise of our times. By shifting our focus from external validation to pleasing G-d, we reclaim our inner power and find a source of meaning and purpose that transcends the fleeting opinions of others. This allows us to act with genuine kindness and generosity, without being swayed by the prevailing negativity or lack of appreciation.

5. Practical Application: Rav Touitou's advice isn't just theoretical; it has practical implications for how we interact with others. It means choosing our words carefully, being mindful of our intentions, and focusing on building genuine connections rather than seeking superficial praise. It also means developing inner resilience and not allowing the negativity of others to diminish our commitment to doing good.

6. A Call to Introspection: Ultimately, Rav Touitou's message is a call to introspection. He's challenging us to examine our own motivations, cultivate humility, and prioritize our relationship with G-d. By doing so, we can transcend the superficiality of our times and build a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Advice

• Limited Praise in Presence – Ktzat Shevach: The interaction between G-d and Noah serves as a paradigm for proper conduct. Even G-d, when addressing Noah directly, refrains from lavishing him with all his titles. This teaches us the importance of humility and avoiding excessive praise in someone's presence, as it can foster arrogance or create an uncomfortable atmosphere. The Chofetz Chaim (Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan) emphasizes the importance of sincerity in all our communications, and excessive praise can easily cross the line into insincerity, even if unintentional. [Genesis 7:1, Genesis 6:9] The idea is to offer ktzat shevach – a little praise – enough to acknowledge and encourage, but not so much as to inflate the ego.

• Hidden Praise is Acceptable – Shevach Shelo Bifnav: When someone is not present, we are freer to express the full extent of our appreciation for their good qualities and actions. This is because the concern for fostering pride is absent. This distinction highlights the Torah's sensitivity to the psychological impact of words and the importance of choosing them wisely.

• Motivation Matters – Kavana: The core issue with flattery is the underlying kavana (intention). If praise is offered with the sincere intention of encouraging good deeds, expressing gratitude, or fostering positive relationships, it is a mitzvah. However, if the motivation is self-serving, manipulative, or aimed at gaining favor, it becomes a transgression. The Orchot Tzaddikim (Paths of the Righteous) warns against using flattery as a tool to achieve personal goals, as it corrupts the purity of our interactions. Manipulative flattery creates a false sense of connection and undermines genuine trust.

• Potential for Pride – Ga'ava: Judaism views humility (anava) as a cornerstone of spiritual growth. Flattery, by its very nature, can inflate the ego and lead to ga'ava (arrogance), which is a major spiritual obstacle. The Mesilat Yesharim (Path of the Just, by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) describes pride as the antithesis of closeness to G-d. By avoiding excessive praise, we help protect others from this spiritual pitfall.

• Risk of Lashon Hara – Motzi Shem Ra: Public and effusive praise can inadvertently trigger lashon hara or motzi shem ra from others who may be jealous, resentful, or simply hold a different opinion. Even if our intentions are pure, we must be mindful of the potential consequences of our words and avoid creating an environment where others might be tempted to speak negatively.

• Focus on L'shem Shamayim: The shiur stresses the importance of performing mitzvot l'shem shamayim without seeking earthly rewards or recognition. This pure intention safeguards us from the corrupting influence of flattery, both as the giver and the receiver. By focusing on pleasing G-d alone, we detach ourselves from the need for external validation and preserve the spiritual integrity of our actions.

• Encouragement and Chizuk: While excessive flattery is detrimental, the shiur acknowledges the importance of offering genuine encouragement and chizuk to others, especially those engaged in acts of chesed or struggling to overcome challenges. Sincere words of support can provide much-needed motivation and strengthen their resolve to continue on the right path. This is particularly relevant in the context of marriage, where partners should build each other up with genuine appreciation and support.

• The Importance of Measure – Metziut: The Maharal's perspective highlights the need for metziut (moderation) in all things, including praise. While some flattery may be necessary for social harmony and encouragement, it should always be offered with measure and sensitivity, avoiding extremes. This principle of moderation is a recurring theme in Jewish thought, reminding us to find the appropriate balance in all aspects of life.

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(📜‍🔥 Créé par HKBH avec Yehudi Tam comme un récipient reconnaissant, dans la miséricorde 📜‍🔥)